Yesterday, I was on a plane. I do not usually get concerned or scared when I’m on planes but I know that a lot of people do. 

Yesterday, I wasn’t scared per se, but I did recognize my flight differently I think. I must be taller now than I last noticed. Or I sit more tall. There were some turbulence on the plane. I could see each person’s head in front of me, also sitting tall. Each head swayed together with each rock of the plane. It was the weirdest thing to look at. I wondered if it would be difficult to keep my head still will everyone else did not fight the rocking of the plane. 

Then I saw one person doing just that. The single other person on the plane going against the rocking pattern. It felt like a glitch to me. 

I struggle with completing assignments. I often need to feel a sort of panic in order to complete assignments. But, I think I had overloaded myself with panic, so much so that I have felt very disassociated for some time now. 

I hear my voice outside of my head. 

Brain fog comes with this phenomenon for me. I think I have been able to put into words how I work to comprehend things with brain fog. When it is most intense, it feels as follows.

Imagine you are reading something—a book, or magazine, or an article for homework. Maybe this sheet of paper is double sided. When you look to read more closely you may turn on a light. But, this light is actually behind the piece of paper. So, when you try to read the words on the page facing you, it is muddled by the words on the back of the page. 

This is how it can feel to decipher my thoughts.

Sometimes I have moments of clarity. It was during one of these times that I was able to understand the aforementioned concept.

This, and other things make me I feel like I have two minds.

I grew up in a family that values productive discourse. My mom believes very different things than my dad. They share values, but approach them differently. This, I feel, has contributed to my separate minds and selves. My brain and my other brain.

Legacy Russell has also reflected on this concept, “Before talking about what glitch is or what it can do, let’s meditate on the idea of a ‘[self] with multiple selves’ and acknowledge that the construction of a self, creative or otherwise, is complex,” (22).

I find myself to be a combination of my parents, and therefore a combination of minds. But I have difficulty actually connecting these. Noah uses the phrase “I am of two minds about it.” This recognizes the struggle or back and forth in my own mind, that I experience consistently. I process things differently because of it.

Throughout my life, I have worked to take note of things I encounter more regularly which may be peculiar. For example, there was a period of time—maybe a three week period—where I saw The Kiss, a painting by Gustav Klimt, over and over again. I hadn’t seen this painting before, but I did love it. Still, I was thrown off by its constant presence during that time. It felt like a glitch to me before learning about the concept from Russell. 

As a result of my upbringing, I constantly work to see more than one side to most things. This, though, leads to many contradictions. This also leads to my working to understand the contradictions that exist in the world, outside of my own mind. 

I think that people who do not struggle with contradictions may not be able to grasp the concept of glitched individuals as easily as those who have, can.

“As skin wraps, covers, protects, it paradoxically wounds, occupies, and builds worlds [...] Skin is both open and closed,” (76).

The work to understand your own contradictions, to be honest, is exhausting. But, this practice is also valuable. It helps you understand those around you. I am of two minds about it.